Romantic Tips: The Real Secret of Finding Love
Our culture may have a booming economy. Our explorers might conquer space. Our scientists might reveal quantum leaps of understanding. Our quality of life might continuously improve. Yet, when it comes to love, we’re still stuck in the Stone Age.
You can read all the Cosmopolitan articles you want, Google for hot romantic tips, and stake out your profile in dozens of online dating sites, and yet come up empty anyway. Because our society moves so fast, many people just don’t have the time to do what it really takes to find love.
Well, instead of writing yet another article of romantic tips for women or men, here is one base fact, a common denominator, that no one else ever seems to address. It applies to both genders and across any sexual orientation. The big secret is: To find love, you have to be lovable.
Intriguing thought, isn’t it? Everybody sets out on their quest this way: “I want to find a person who has this quality, this quality, and that quality. They must be this, this, and this, and do that, and that.” Hey, wait a minute? If everybody sets out looking for the perfect mate, and nobody takes the responsibility to be the perfect mate, then how is anyone going to be matched up?
There was this economics class I was in, and one of the exercises were where we were each given a stack of slips of paper representing stock certificates, which we then had to trade with our classmates until we had a complete set of some given items, which was different for everyone. We had two minutes. In the thick of it, I sorted my slips and saw that I needed four coal stocks and one car stock, while I had three textile stocks and two oil stocks. I started shouting over the ruckus, “I need four coal stocks.”, but nobody was listening, because everybody else was yelling, “I need three food stocks.” and “I need three steel stocks.” I listened for a minute, watching the chaos, and then reversed my tactic: I announced, “I HAVE two oil stocks.” Instantly, I had the attention of three people who needed just that. I could then screen them to find the person who had what I needed. Using this tactic, I was one of the few students to complete the game.
Now, read an online dating profile: “I’m looking for someone who is attractive, intelligent, successful, has a sense of humor, fun-loving…” Yes, of course they are. Isn’t everyone? In most of the tips for a romantic relationship that I read online, that’s what I see is articles telling you to focus on getting what you want, never on being what other people want.
Young people especially need to realize that fun, charming, attractive people are made, not born. You have to practice your social skills, and that means making friends and socializing without the goal of finding a date first. Simply become a popular person in your social circle, and eventually you’ll attract dates on your own, without even trying. Of all the inexpensive romantic tips you’ll find, this is the least expensive, and yet it’s the one nobody seems to think of.
Have you tried joining a club or organization? Volunteering your time to a cause you believe in? Practiced being a good listener? Picked up a hobby and dived into it with passion? Gotten involved in your neighborhood community? Doing each of these activities gives you depth and builds your character. You become somebody interesting. You learn things about people until your perceptions will be treasured by the one who does pick you for a mate. And after all, everybody wants to meet the person who would be the life of the party… so why not just be that person?
All the matchmaker sites keep your sights on the search. The long, long search. I’m telling you to let other people do the searching, and just be easy to find.
Be easy to find. Have you tried it yet?
Tags: Finding love, Romantic Tips
